Well, turns out I am the emotionally distant one. My incredibly stupid thought was that since I am a woman, then I am in touch with my emotions. I have finally realized this terrible truth.
I am in my mid thirties now, and the damage has been done. Some things can be reversed but I do not believe me as a person is going to fundamentally change. Some things really are too late. That is okay because some growth is better than none.
I feel hollow.
I am completely infatuated with my coworker. This feels like some sort of cruelty and I only have myself to blame. I know a relationship would never happen! But I feel interested in someone for the first time in a decade. What stupidity!
This must be my life leveling out for those times when someone had a crush on me and I felt nothing. Or all those times I just felt nothing for anyone, romantic or platonic.
There is something wrong with me, and I apparently refuse to face it.